take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
