The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
