if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
