He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Even my vagina gasped.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
