And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
