He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
