everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize