I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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