I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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