thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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