the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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