No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
