oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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