Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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