I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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