it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
