mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
