This is not my ceiling
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
