if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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