so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
