Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
