we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
A bitchslap is in order.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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