peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
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This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize