Me too!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
