Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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