If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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