So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
