her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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