Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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