I don't remember. Are we still dating?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
