Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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