the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
