After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
