I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
