Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
