I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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