I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
