We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
