you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Even my vagina gasped.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
