Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
