12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
