Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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