Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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