I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
