It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
