You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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