My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
