I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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