So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
