I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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