I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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