I puked a lego.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
