So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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