i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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