I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
