i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
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It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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