he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
