If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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