And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
