I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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