Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
