STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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