Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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