I met the friendliest cop last night
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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