i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
