Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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